The Feral Joke Collector
[ Issue 46 ]

The Feral Joke Collector is one of Emily Bronto’s favourite Bikwil features

Bikwil has a thing about The Feral Joke Collector

The Feral Joke Collector

Issue 46 features another offering in our occasional series The Feral Joke Collector.

This time there are two yarns, the first submitted by someone called Banstickle and the other by Trawler Travis.

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The Feral Joke Collector


Who Cares Whether It's Factual, As Long As It's Bizarre?
[ Forwarded by Banstickle ]

A Charlotte (North Carolina) man, having purchased a box of 24 rare and very expensive cigars, insured them against fire. Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of fabulous cigars, and having yet to make a single premium payment on the policy, the man filed a claim against the insurance company. In his claim, the man stated that he had lost the cigars in "a series of small fires".

The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason: that the man had consumed the cigars in a normal fashion. The man sued, and won.

In delivering his ruling, the judge stated that the man held a policy from the company in which it was warranted that the cigars were insurable. The company, in the policy, had also guaranteed that it would insure the cigars against fire, without defining what it considered to be "unacceptable fire", and so the company was obligated to compensate the insured for his loss.

Rather than endure a lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the judge's ruling and paid the man $15,000 for the rare cigars he had "lost in the fires".

However, shortly after the man cashed his check, the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of arson. With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case used as evidence against him, the man was convicted of intentionally burning the rare cigars and sentenced to 24 consecutive one-year prison terms.

 

How are You Feeling?
[ Forwarded by Trawler Travis ]

Farmer Joe decided his injuries were serious enough to take the trucking company responsible for the accident to court. In the courtroom the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning him.

"Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine'?"

Farmer Joe responded, "Well I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule Bessie into the . . ."

"I didn't ask for any details," the lawyer interrupted. "Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine'?"

Farmer Joe said, "Well I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road . . ."

The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the highway patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question."

By this time the Judge was fairly interested in Farmer Joe's answer and said to the lawyer, "I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favorite mule Bessie."

Joe thanked the Judge and proceeded thus:

"Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting real bad and didn't want to move. However, I could hear ole Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans. Shortly after the accident a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. Then he came across the road with his gun in his hand and looked at me. He said, 'Your mule was in such bad shape I had to shoot her. How are you feeling?'"

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