Ellen and Vlad
[ Issue 35 ]

Ellen and Vlad intrigue Emily Bronto

Permit Bikwil to acquaint you with the fascination of Ellen and Vlad

Ellen and Vlad

Fizzgig reveals all about Ellen and Vlad's clandestine Saturday night meeting — including, at last, the truth about where the junk comes in.

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From the Back Verandah — Fizzgig

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Tongues began wagging about 11 pm on the Saturday.

What was Ellen up to, furtively tapping on the door to Vlad’s room? Did it cause her hurried departure from the conference?

At the time, opinion was divided, but one thing seemed clear: Vladimir Pissimov, King of All the Urals, was acting as host to this little meeting, and possibly also as instigator thereof.
As for the Chairwoman of the Reserve Bank of Columbia, Ellen Greenback — well, her attendance at the Colloquium Oeconomicum was no last-minute decision, even if her arrival at Vlad’s door might have been. To those in the know, it had been long intended that she should appear at the Plenary Session on Saturday morning, almost as if by afterthought. As the organisers had predicted, she got a thunderous reception, but declined all sweet talk to say something fiscally profound. Her moment would come on Sunday.

Or would have, if that clandestine Saturday night meeting with Vlad hadn’t taken place.

So what did Vlad want with Ellen in the middle of the night?

To this day the specifics have been shrouded in mystery, but now for the first time the truth can be revealed. It was nothing more or less than Vlad’s pressing need for advice on how to eliminate all the junk email he was getting — miracle cures, bogus charities, Nigerian money-making schemes.

Ellen Greenback, it turns out, was a closet nerd — you know, they’re the types who can be seen on Sundays at your local computer market, but who rarely show themselves at any other time or place — and she knew all about email spam filtering.

“What you ought to do is make a spam donation. I . . .”

To Slav ears, this sounded like it was about to develop into a quite different sort of suggestion, and he insisted that Ellen remove herself from his room, and preferably from the conference.

Poor Ellen: all she wanted to do was explain about her favourite Web site, SpamArchive.org.

Come to think of it, you Bikwil readers should check it out yourselves. Donate, perhaps?

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