There was a young man of Montrose,
Who had pockets in none of his clothes.
When asked by his lass
Where he carried his brass,
He said: 'Darling, I pay through the nose.'
— Arnold Bennett
What if nothing exists and we're
all in somebody's dream? Or what's worse, what if only that fat guy in the
third row exists?
— Woody Allen
Neville Chamberlain? He saw foreign
policy through the wrong end of a municipal drainpipe.
— David Lloyd George
I'm at an age where I think more
about food than sex. Last week I put a mirror over my dining room table.
— Rodney Dangerfield
A prodigy is a child who plays the
piano when he ought to be asleep in bed.