[ Issue 22 ]

Entrepreneurship captivates Emily Bronto

Bikwil celebrates Entrepreneurship


For Issue 22 Fizzgig reluctantly reproduces some advice for wealth seekers recently received in the Bikwil office.

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From the Back Verandah — Fizzgig


(The following peculiar piece arrived in the Bikwil office addressed to me. After some hesitation the editor has agreed to publish it as is, provided that I state that no endorsement of the advice offered is implied. Its author remains conveniently unidentified.)

Being the proprietor of a thriving business (I sell second-hand underground religious magazines), I believe I am admirably placed to offer the devout Bikwil reader invaluable guidance on how to become a successful entrepreneur.

Before anything else, what you’ve got to do is borrow enough to buy a luxury retirement villa abroad — preferably a place with which Australia has no extradition treaty. (According to my sources, one will soon become available in Majorca.) Having acquired same, you’ll be home and hosed no matter what goes amiss in Australia.

Next, find a lawyer and doctor who have both become accustomed to a lavish lifestyle. That way, if your ventures fail and put too much strain on you, you’ll be able to produce all manner of reliable evidence (photos, videos . . .) as to your delicate condition. A mental and physical state so frail, indeed, that it will legally prevent you and your family from ever leaving your overseas retreat, no matter how persuasive the invitation.

Now to get rich fast, so as to pay back that loan — or least to give the impression that you intend to. For this I recommend selling out-of-the-way blocks of land, by offering too-cheap-to-be-true finance yourself.

And don’t forget to write a book. Call it something like Quick March to Prosperity through Real Estate. Advertise it on the Internet and on midnight-to-dawn commercial TV.

From then on, you may lie back and offer yourself up to a life of unbridled pleasure — all with my apostolic blessing.

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