The Feral Joke Collector
[ Issue 14 ]

The Feral Joke Collector is one of Emily Bronto’s favourite Bikwil features

Bikwil has a thing about The Feral Joke Collector

The Feral Joke Collector

With Issue 14 we begin another occasional series which we call The Feral Joke Collector.  This time we present three gags that you just might not have heard.  They have been forwarded by landoc, Katisha and Trawler Travis.
 

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The Feral Joke Collector


Five-Year Plan
[ Forwarded by landoc ]

The European Union Commissioners announced today that agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language standard for European communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year phased plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish.

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. Also, the hard "c" will be replased with "k". Not only will this klear up konfusion but keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replased by "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20% shorter.

In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double leters which have always been a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the fourth year peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz yer ze unesesary "o" or "u" can be dropd from vords kontaining "ou", and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.

After zis fifz yer ve vill hav a sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis, and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer.

Ze drem vill finali kum tru.

Thirteen
[ Forwarded by Katisha ]

A guy is walking past a big wooden fence at the insane asylum and he hears all the residents inside chanting, "Thirteen! Thirteen! Thirteen!”

Quite curious about this, he finds a hole in the fence, and looks in. Someone inside pokes him in the eye and, almost immediately, everyone inside the asylum starts chanting, "Fourteen! Fourteen! Fourteen!”

Why Ignorance Rises to the Executive Level
[ Forwarded by Trawler Travis ]

First, three axioms:

1 Knowledge is Power
2 Time is Money
3 Power = Work/Time (as every engineer knows)

Therefore, by substitution it follows that:

Knowledge = Work/Money

Solving for Money, we get:

Money = Work/Knowledge

Thus Money approaches infinity as Knowledge approaches zero, regardless of Work done.

Which means: The Less You Know, the More You Make.

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